I want to say now that I miss you a lot. I feel like how you did after we smoked the bong at my house, I don’t like being apart from you for so long. With the shelter-in-place it felt like we were a little more distant and I was afraid to say that in case you didn’t feel the same. But I realize now that was stupid. I shouldn’t hide how I feel. But it was even more dumb of me to not ask you how you feel.

I still believe in us. I want to be more open with you about how I feel about things. I know that you’re scared to open up too, but I really do love you. I worry about you all the time and it scares me to care about someone the way I do for you. I think what scares me the most is the words you use can hurt me deeply. But it’s the same for you. And I don’t think I was considerate with how my actions affect you. And for that I’m sorry.

I don’t want you to stay in a relationship if you aren’t happy. But I don’t want to hold back how I feel in our relationship and about you. I love you a lot. I love how much attention to detail you put into your work and I love how hard you work on your projects. I love seeing you develop more as a designer. I love hearing your voice, especially when you sing (your voice is really pretty even if you’re singing from your throat). I love your toes, your white lady nose, and the treadmill mark on your bum. I love hearing you speak gibberish, sleeping next to you, and your little chomps. I love how capable you are and how you live in an organized mess where it still always feels clean.

I still feel the same way when I first saw you at the airport, you’re the most beautiful person in the world. I can’t look at other girls the same way after meeting you. I still love everything about you, from your scent, to your creativity, even your stubborness and temper has a special place in my heart. After thinking over everything the past few days, I don’t think I could have you any other way. I remember last year when you crawled into my blankets and said that you didn’t feel worthy of love. I’m giving you all of my love and I always will. And I really hope that you never change. I love everything about you.

I really want to make you happy, every time I try out a new recipe I think about whether or not it's worth making for you. Although, I haven’t been cooking as much, since I want to be less chubs when I see you again. I’ve been running too, so that my blood flow is better for the laboratory. I've been thinking about where to focus all my attention professionally and personally to develop into a better person. But for awhile, I was so lost in the sauce and caught up in myself, that I lost sight of you.

I know that we have our problems, but I know there’s nothing we can’t fix through talking to each other. No relationship is perfect, but you mean the world to me. I know that you have your doubts and you’ve probably been thinking about a lot of things too. I want to make things work with you, but only if you want to. I don’t want to force you into anything. I’m not always good at expresssing it but I want you to know that I love you. I really do.